Tuesday, October 4, 2011

it's all beginning

sea-monkeys®. i'd always heard about them, but never encountered one, much less grown any. what are they? are they really monkeys? are they alive? do they do anything?

now, i can't tell you the number of random, pointless questions that pop into my head during my waking hours, (as mark and my co-workers can attest) but one day at work about 10 months ago, and i have no recollection as to what prompted it, my brain shouted "sea-monkeys... discuss!" and so i did.. one of my co-workers, E, had actually had sea-monkeys as a child. a first-person account - score! since it was so long ago, i only sort of remember that she said she grew them, and then they died. having more questions, and needing to see them for myself, i then googled, as i am wont to do, and subsequently declared i wanted sea-monkeys for my very own.

Christmas rolled around a few weeks later, and guess what santa E brought me? sea-monkeys! i promptly announced my intention of growing them at work, but T, my boss, being the level-headed person that she is, suggested it might not be the greatest of ideas.. how would it be phoning IT to tell them that my computer died because i spilled my sea-monkeys on it (which, let's be honest, would probably happen to me)? so, i put my sea-monkeys in a drawer, intending to take them home, and then... i forgot about them.

10 months later, again, randomly, i contracted sea-monkey brain, and only then did i remember i had a whole colony just waiting for me to grow and nourish it! how could i do that to those poor innocent creatures! i promised the monkeys i would take them home and give them the love they never had. and i also promised to blog our adventures, because they deserve to be famous.


now, maybe you have all the same questions i had when i first turned my attention to these water apes. what do they do? they frolic! what are they for? my mother asked this question, and i said "fun." that's really all you need to know. "are they like a chia-pet?" she asked? "sure," i said. (the cell reception was acting up and after shouting "SEA-MONKEYS!!!" four times when i tried to tell her what i was growing, i didn't have the energy to explain. i told her she could read my blog.) and the big question: what are they? brine shrimp. "is that all? that's really lame, christine." well, according to the official sea-monkey's packaging, they are "a miracle of nature." you know what else is a miracle of nature? birth. so suck it, haters. also, here are my miracle of nature choices.. i can either grow a parasite inside of me, making me sick and hormonal for 9 months, then there's a lot of screaming and fluids, and 18 (at least) years of child-rearing. or, i can put some powder in a jar of water. and flush it down the toilet when i get bored. which do you think sounds easier?

plus, i haven't even told you yet, but sea-monkeys have been flown in outer space! when has your miracle of nature done that? and, they are "so easy to keep, even a smart 6-year old can raise them." so i'm pretty sure i can probably do it. (how smart are we talking? would a smart 6-year old eat a piece of cheese that fell on the kitchen floor? would they burn their forehead with their flat iron? would they eat too much olive garden takeout even though they KNOW they will get a tummyache? if not, i might be in trouble.) anyhow, if it doesn't work out for us, there's a 2-year guarantee. it states, "if you need to start over for any reason, we will replace [the monkeys]... free!" START OVER! FOR ANY REASON! what other miracle of nature option gives you a ctrl+z? and for free - what a deal! (or, i can just flush them down the toilet when i get bored.)

also, check out the company's mission statement: Our mission is to raise the planet's Kindness Quotient and Sea-Monkeys® are the catalyst. Raise just one Sea-Monkey® family and you will be a believer... a nice & kind one!

whaaaattt! you guys, i'm totally going to do my part to help society!

i was going to do some other research about how sea-monkeys can "live" in their pouch for years before coming alive, what you put them in and how you take care of them, etc. but i'm all typed out right now. and pictures, i was going to do some pictures. well, all that is coming (or, let's just be honest, only whatever i actually feel like doing), so stay tuned!

next time on Christine's Sea-Monkeys® Adventures... my monkey habitat (will probably just be a glass jar) and surrounding environs (i'm thinking one of the living room window-sills), and possibly the birth of a new nation (omg, what should i call it, you guys)!


  1. ...just read this. haha. you're funny. what's the nation name?