in case anyone was wondering, the sea monkeys didn't make it.  no, i didn't flush them down the toilet.  they didn't even give me the chance!  they started out alright, but tiny.  their numbers grew, then just as suddenly, dwindled.  fewer and fewer were spotted.  mysteriously, one was much larger than all the others.  eventually it was just him.  and then he died.  he probably deserved it.  i can't prove it, but i'm pretty sure he ate his friends.  so that was the end of that.  next time (?) - i was going to say something i could change, but i don't know what that would be. haha.  unless i get a wild hare, that was probably it for the sea monkey kingdom i had so grandiously envisioned.  and what did i learn?  sea monkeys are stupid.  stupid monkeys.

mea culpa

i am failing the sea monkeys.  they cry out to be reanimated and i deny them.  i am a bad overlady.  i started to ready their home and then other things got in the way.  actual life person things.  i was busy!  (how often does that happen?)  first up was the halloween potluck for lunch at work.  i had to go out to the store and buy rolls and everything!  at the end of the week, i baked up a trio of items for a charity bake sale at work - that was two nights of rollicking fun.  or some such.  (also, the anniversary of Lucy made me a little depressed on saturday, so i didn't feel like doing much.)  then on sunday, i burned my hand making some chicken in the oven.  that necessitated a trip to the urgent care.  (it did!)  so i was slightly handicapped last week.  and the time change made me all cranky and S.A.D. (for which, i really should get a S.A.D. light.)  then at the end of that week, my dad was in d.c. for a meeting and sprung a visit on me (which was awesome sauce).  and then on saturday i fell and had to spend the rest of the day on the couch (i.e., tripped over a tree root hidden by leaves and got laughed at, LAUGHED AT, by mark (for which i am not surprised as i am perpetually clumsy and amusing), and then later was tired and lazy and too into watching The Vampire Diaries to be of any use to monkeys). 

so.  all this is just points to if social services cared as much about monkeys as they do about children, they would be taking my packets away from me right now.  or, is it ok because they aren't actually kinetic at the moment?  anyway, the whole point is that they are not children, thereby the responsibilites are pretty much nil until even nil is too arduous and i flush them down the toilet.  right? 



totally cool terrarium



i did go to petsmart last last saturday afternoon and perused the little fishy homes.  i realize i have already chosen the candelarium, but i wanted to see what they had.  i am fickle like that.  i also reaffirmed that i do not want a hamster or rodent friend.  the guinea pig they had was albino and had scary eyes.  i wonder if they glow in the dark?  also, they have like, 10 million habitat enhancments for the pet hermit crab.  that's like a step up from monkeys.  so how come they don't have monkey habitat enhancements?  that's specie-est.  i am offended and will be e-mailing you shortly to sign my petition.  (no i won't.)  and oh, check out this awesome terrarium that i would totally have bought for the monkeys except that i am not currently sitting on a pile of gold doubloons, i.e. $35USD that are better served towards monkey habitat enhancement over items such as food and shelter. (and sidebar, wouldn't my bank be suspcious if i went all up in there with doubloons to deposit?  they'd be like, "where'd you get those?" and i'd be all, "from my pile," and they'd be like, "come with me to the jail" and that is not a winnng end to that transaction, my friends.) 

anyhow, i am sorry the monkeys are not up and running.  i promised their arrival and then failed to deliver.  i am like the U.S.P.S.  because sometimes i just don't get any mail at all for several days and does that happen to you?  at least i don't walk in your flower bed to deliver your mail even though you have perfectly good front porch steps and using them would be the proper thing to do.  can you ever?  anyway, to make up for monkeylessness i will reward you for your faithfulness by leaving you with a video of a real monkey, taking at the richmond city zoo (out in bfe powhatan, most decidedly not the city, so i don't know what that's about).  and no, i don't know what kind of monkey this is.  what kind of monkey do you want it to be?

candelarium, ho!

land, err, a place to put monkey water has been spotted!  the monkey's have a new home!  thanks to the gracious generosity of e's son, d, the monkeys will soon be enjoying a nice roomy biodome.  the little tank needs a cleaning and then i will be ready to birth my monkeys.  you can't wait!  i figure i will get the monkeys settled this weekend (unless i am too lazy and then it's too bad for them), and by the time you all come down off your candy high, you will be able to read all about it. 

until then...

in the meantime...

the sea-monkeys have gone missing, that is to say, they are currently under a pile of miscellaneous goods and services on one of the arm chairs in the living room.  i am told they are enjoying their quiet time, using their hiatus to reflect on their upcoming metamorphosis.  soon they will blossom, like so many butterfly, living out their days in the wilds of whatever jar i find to put them in. 

this is not one of the possessed statues.

i did look for a jar when i went to burlington coat factory to use my $10 off $10 coupon, but their selection was limited.  unless you were looking for real leather shellacked giraffe statues, because there were herds of them, HERDS i tell you!  (and yes, i did kind of want to buy one to accompany the large metal zebra we have on top of our t.v. breakfront.  and yes, our t.v. lives in a breakfront normally reserved for objects of the dish kind.)  and, sidebar to my digression - what is up with all the african animal figurines lately that have their heads turned toward their back, as if possessed by the devil?  why can't they face forward like all the other animal statues?  this is not a phenomenon specific to burlington, either.  i have seen this trend in several home goods shops this season.  just saying.

so, sea-monkeys.  they are alive (in a powdery statis form) and well, and waiting.  in addition to searching for their home, i have communed with the universe and divined more of their backstory (i.e., made things up while waiting in line at chipotle).  as i mentioned before, they have flown in space.  (it says so on the packaging, so it has to be true, right?)  so technically, they are space-monkeys, yes?  i see their new life with me as a continuation of their peripatetic adventures.  (unless i kill them.  then it will be an end to their peripatetic-ing, but we won't go there.)  they probably will think they have landed on a new planet (where lands are green and skys are blue*) and, as such, their new home will need to accomodate their specific watery needs.  much like astronauts inhabiting a biodome on a foreign planet, the space-monkeys will require their own life-sustaining compound.  i name it, the candelarium.  (thank you to shannon for that delightful title.) 

i will continue the search for the candelarium and return to blog of my triumphs.  stay tuned...



*that was totally a callback to the title of the blog.  it just had to be done.

it's all beginning

sea-monkeys®. i'd always heard about them, but never encountered one, much less grown any. what are they? are they really monkeys? are they alive? do they do anything?

now, i can't tell you the number of random, pointless questions that pop into my head during my waking hours, (as mark and my co-workers can attest) but one day at work about 10 months ago, and i have no recollection as to what prompted it, my brain shouted "sea-monkeys... discuss!" and so i did.. one of my co-workers, E, had actually had sea-monkeys as a child. a first-person account - score! since it was so long ago, i only sort of remember that she said she grew them, and then they died. having more questions, and needing to see them for myself, i then googled, as i am wont to do, and subsequently declared i wanted sea-monkeys for my very own.

Christmas rolled around a few weeks later, and guess what santa E brought me? sea-monkeys! i promptly announced my intention of growing them at work, but T, my boss, being the level-headed person that she is, suggested it might not be the greatest of ideas.. how would it be phoning IT to tell them that my computer died because i spilled my sea-monkeys on it (which, let's be honest, would probably happen to me)? so, i put my sea-monkeys in a drawer, intending to take them home, and then... i forgot about them.

10 months later, again, randomly, i contracted sea-monkey brain, and only then did i remember i had a whole colony just waiting for me to grow and nourish it! how could i do that to those poor innocent creatures! i promised the monkeys i would take them home and give them the love they never had. and i also promised to blog our adventures, because they deserve to be famous.

***********

now, maybe you have all the same questions i had when i first turned my attention to these water apes. what do they do? they frolic! what are they for? my mother asked this question, and i said "fun." that's really all you need to know. "are they like a chia-pet?" she asked? "sure," i said. (the cell reception was acting up and after shouting "SEA-MONKEYS!!!" four times when i tried to tell her what i was growing, i didn't have the energy to explain. i told her she could read my blog.) and the big question: what are they? brine shrimp. "is that all? that's really lame, christine." well, according to the official sea-monkey's packaging, they are "a miracle of nature." you know what else is a miracle of nature? birth. so suck it, haters. also, here are my miracle of nature choices.. i can either grow a parasite inside of me, making me sick and hormonal for 9 months, then there's a lot of screaming and fluids, and 18 (at least) years of child-rearing. or, i can put some powder in a jar of water. and flush it down the toilet when i get bored. which do you think sounds easier?

plus, i haven't even told you yet, but sea-monkeys have been flown in outer space! when has your miracle of nature done that? and, they are "so easy to keep, even a smart 6-year old can raise them." so i'm pretty sure i can probably do it. (how smart are we talking? would a smart 6-year old eat a piece of cheese that fell on the kitchen floor? would they burn their forehead with their flat iron? would they eat too much olive garden takeout even though they KNOW they will get a tummyache? if not, i might be in trouble.) anyhow, if it doesn't work out for us, there's a 2-year guarantee. it states, "if you need to start over for any reason, we will replace [the monkeys]... free!" START OVER! FOR ANY REASON! what other miracle of nature option gives you a ctrl+z? and for free - what a deal! (or, i can just flush them down the toilet when i get bored.)

also, check out the company's mission statement: Our mission is to raise the planet's Kindness Quotient and Sea-Monkeys® are the catalyst. Raise just one Sea-Monkey® family and you will be a believer... a nice & kind one!

whaaaattt! you guys, i'm totally going to do my part to help society!

i was going to do some other research about how sea-monkeys can "live" in their pouch for years before coming alive, what you put them in and how you take care of them, etc. but i'm all typed out right now. and pictures, i was going to do some pictures. well, all that is coming (or, let's just be honest, only whatever i actually feel like doing), so stay tuned!

next time on Christine's Sea-Monkeys® Adventures... my monkey habitat (will probably just be a glass jar) and surrounding environs (i'm thinking one of the living room window-sills), and possibly the birth of a new nation (omg, what should i call it, you guys)!